u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize