you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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