I only kidnapped one of them. chill
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
