My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
