just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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