Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize