So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
