I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
