the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
