ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
