Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
