you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
