when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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