the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
