We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
