You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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