Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
