So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize