Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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