Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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