Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
