God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
