I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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