I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
