So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
