My brain says no but my pants say off.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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