I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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