Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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