He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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