Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize