Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
