i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
