ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
