Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
