If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I intend to get homeless drunk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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