something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
