I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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