Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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