She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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