Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
