You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
