Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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