i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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