The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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