I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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