We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
