yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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