margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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