There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
