As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize