11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize