DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
