I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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