??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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