people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
