Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
