she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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