oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
