you guys were way drunker than both of me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
