I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize