just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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