batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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