All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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