seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
