Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
