Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
