I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
