worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
